FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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