my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
