Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize