sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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