Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
