He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
