Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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