i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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