I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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