that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
