you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
