How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
one two three fourrrrnication!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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