i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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