Don't make out with my wife yet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
