I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
