did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
