Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
