dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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