Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
