Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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