People with herpes should wear stickers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
