My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
