i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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