am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
