He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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