he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize