He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize