those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
