last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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