the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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