The police scanner is talking about you again....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
