we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My vagina just clenched in fear
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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