no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
