Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
