I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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