I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
