i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
