How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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