so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
