Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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