why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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