Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
