My friends, they love my intelligence
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
