If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
