my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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