I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
