he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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