How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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