chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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