o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
