My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
