I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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