so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize