How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize