Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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