i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
