its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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