I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
