Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
two words...techno handjob
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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