True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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