I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They took my balls.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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