There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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