meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
