There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
