don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
