I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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