Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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